Friday, June 21, 2019

Unique Daily Humor

Three Tough Mice
Three mice were sitting in a bar drinking shots of whiskey and talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times."
And with that he slams down another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon poison tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it."
And with that he slams another shot. The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "Can't hang around with you wimps. I'm going home to screw the cat." ^^
The New Maid
A man make a phonecall to home from his office. A strange woman answers the phone.
The man says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid." answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!" say the man.
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband.  Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just
figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.  He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"Sure, what do I have to do?"
"Get the shotgun out of the hall closet, go upstairs and shoot that unfaithful witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone.  The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone.  "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
" this 555-4821?"
Wonderful Hair Spray
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.
Then a boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
The boy says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll give you five dollars if you can. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out with a big smile and hands the little
boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know.  That's from your grandma."

I hope you enjoy the joke. Have a nice day ^^

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